How to say sorry to someone you hurt (part two)
Last week we highlighted about six tips on how to apologise to someone when you are at fault. Here is the final part.
Your partner’s feelings are always valid
Sometimes, people are too dismissive of how their partner thinks or feels. Imagine your partner comes to you because they feel hurt or upset about something. If you respond with, “you were hurt, I never knew,” it essentially invalidates their feelings.
It doesn’t matter that you didn’t know you hurt them or didn’t realize someone could feel hurt by your action or inactions. What matters is that your partner feels hurt.
You might not understand why they feel that way, but you should say sorry because they are someone you care deeply about.
Get rid of your expectations
In some cases, a spouse will get furious when their apology is not accepted right away. The spouse shows up and apologizes for something, and their partner needs time to process it.
Rather than accept their partner’s apology, the individual gets upset again. You know how you would act or behave in a certain situation, but that does not mean you have any clue about how your partner will actually behave.
If you did something horrible, your partner may not be able to forgive you right away. They may even get angry again when you show up to apologize. You cannot control how someone responds, so get rid of all of your expectations. Whether your spouse wants some space or needs to wait to forgive you, listen to them.
Show your sincerity
After a fight, you need to show your partner that you won’t make the same mistake again. People can often understand when you make a mistake once, but their understanding evaporates if you make the same mistake over and over and over again. Instead of throwing your relationship away because you can’t learn to change, show your partner through your words and actions that you are honestly working to change.
Don’t do it again
If you have managed to apologize and get everything back on track, do not mess it up. Once you have recovered from a fight, it is time to get your relationship in order again. The best way to show that you are genuinely sorry is to never make the same mistake again.