The various English dictionaries define Single Parenting as a parent, either father or mother alone, practising and taking responsibility of nurturing children in the absence of another parent. The common causes of single parenting, are divorce, death, underage or early pregnancy, single parent adoption, donor insemination among few others.
Becoming a single parent, is not anything one would have wished or expected in life because the Holy Bible itself talks about dignity in marriage, saying, “At the heart of God’s design for marriage is companionship and intimacy. The biblical picture of marriage, expands into something much broader with the husband and wife relationship, illustrating the relationship between Christ and the Church”.
WHAT THE BIBLE SAYS ABOUT MARRIAGE
The Bible says in Proverbs 3: 3-4 that, “Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. Then, you will win favour and good name in the sight of God and man”. Romans Chapter 12 verse 10, says, “Be devoted to one another in love. Honour one another above yourself”.
In effect, marriage is the beginning of the family and is a life-long commitment. It provides an opportunity to grow in selflessness as you serve your wife and children. Marriage is more than a physical union; it is again a spiritual and emotional union. This union mirrors the one between God and His Church. The three gifts in marriage are companionship, passion and purpose.
THE ESSENCE OF MARRIAGE
The question people are often compelled to ask in their minds is: Why did God establish marriage? The answer is quite simple. First of all, marriage is a partnership. In Genesis 2: 18, God said, “It is not good for the man (Adam) to be alone, I will make a helper suitable for him”. Sometimes we say, ‘in terms of my life, marrying my man or woman was the greatest thing that ever happened to me”. The second thing is that, marriage is for procreation.
I have decided to take my readers and patrons to the realms of the spiritual world to portray how it is necessary and important to come together as husband and wife as ordained by the Almighty God in the scriptures and why single parenting is a difficult issue to handle in life, even though most of the time, it will not be the cause of people involved.
THE SPECTATOR STORY ABOUT SINGLE MOTHERS
This important topic was as a result of a news article with the headline, “Single mothers have morals, don’t mock them” which was nicely crafted and structured by Dzifa Tetteh Tay, the Tema Regional Correspondent of the New Times Corporation (NTC), in the September 24, 2022, issue of The Spectator Weekend Newspaper. The topic was so interesting that I decided to take a holistic approach to single parenting and what it entails in marital life. For the benefit of those who have not read that news item and also to refresh the minds of my cherished readers and patrons, I will attempt to summarise that piece published in The Spectator.
That story reads in part, “There is a misconception out there that women who are single mothers have questionable moral virtues. As a result of this, there are many families who would not encourage their sons to marry such women or even permit their daughters to associate with them. Sadly, some religious institutions even discriminate against them especially those who had children out of wedlock, tagging them as unworthy, irresponsible or bad mothers”. This is a matter of concern to Mrs. Josephine Alai, the founder of Single Parenting With Purpose (SPWP), a local non- governmental organisation, who had said that, it was time society discarded such mentality, describing it as very unfortunate.
“Our society has not made life easy for a lot of single mothers,”she said, explaining that several reasons accounted for a woman to be a single mother. “Some lost their spouses, others had to run from abusive relationship, some from failed relationships and several others”. Mrs Alai wondered how any of the above reasons could be the woman’s fault, necessitating any name calling.
SYMPATHY AND SUPPORT
Indeed, there are many including this writer who cannot agree more with Mrs Alai’s observation because there are varieties of causes and factors contributing to mothers living as single parents, through no fault of theirs and, therefore, they need not to be blamed. They, rather deserve a lot of sympathy and support which will enable them to make a step further to choose responsible husbands to live together as married couples and to live worthy lives.
Research has indicated that single mothers are not a happy group. Lack of safety net, financial independence has been their biggest challenge. Besides, being the sole breadwinners, they have to take care of their children and manage a home single-handedly. Other than financial challenges, being a single mother is also, emotionally draining and psychologically stressful. More often, children raised by single mothers, are more likely to fare worse on a number of dimensions, including their school fees achievement, social and emotional development, their health and their success in the labour market.
PATIENCE AND LOYALTY
However, it has been established that single mothers are normally patient, committed, loyal and obedient. These mothers have to go deep into their hearts to pull out energy at times when they do not have it to make sure that they satisfy their new ‘catches’ in order to protect their marriages and make them productive in the second experience. It is also on record that many single mothers, have found love, companionship and partnership with good, successful men who respect and care for them and their children.
Indeed, single parenting, can be hard and stressful because you are trying to do everything by yourself and, therefore may feel overwhelmed, tired and stressed out because there is no one else around to help you with things like cooking, or getting children’s clothes and uniforms ready for school. Staying alone, is not anything one would encourage because it takes two to tango. At least sharing a company with your wife or husband in a mutual relationship will prolong the lifespan of couples as it will take away boredom and promote healthy relationships.
MUTUAL RESPECT FOR EACH OTHER
When the Bible refers to wives submitting to their husbands, it essentially means, wives should cultivate an attitude of respect for their husbands. Respect in this context includes, recognition of her husband as legitimate leader. This also applies to husbands who are expected to show love and care for their wives, since these attributes, matter most in good and successful relationship and marriage. Submission in marriage means selflessness, service, accountability and respect for your partner which should be mutual.
The Bible in Ephesians 5: 25 teaches us that husbands should love their wives and teach young women to love their husbands. Again, Titus 2:4, says, “Love in marriage can be deeper and more selfless than in any other relationship. It is this type of love that Jesus expects of His followers and it is the virtue that couples need the most”.
SHOWING LOVE AND CARE FOR SINGLE MOTHERS
Having dilated on this important topic, I believe that people who are castigating and denigrating single mothers, should rather, sympathise with them for their plight and rather help them to overcome the challenges associated with their conditions to make them more cheerful and upright. The single mothers and fathers, especially those who have lost their spouses, should not lose hope, but rather move ahead positively and re-marry to move on with their lives.
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By Charles Neequaye