• Be on the same page

The question has been popped, and you have said yes. You’ve excit­edly announced your en­gagement to all your family and friends. But as you start planning your wedding, you just aren’t feeling it.

You are having second thoughts. Is it a case of cold feet, or something more? Not ready to get married? Are you able to look at glaring signs you’re not ready for a rela­tionship?

Here are some signs that you are not ready to get married

•You have only known your partner a short while

It has only been six months, but every moment together has been bliss. You can’t stop thinking about them. You never want to be away from their side. When not together, you text con­stantly. This must be love, right?

Not really.

During the first year, you are in the infatuation stage of your relationship. This doesn’t mean that you won’t marry your partner one day. But you need time to learn more about this person be­fore committing to them.

During the first year, everything looks rosy. A few months down the line you could find yourself saying, “not sure about marriage.”

Making an important life-altering decision while wearing the rose-colored glasses of infatuation would be a mistake.

If this is the real deal, love will last, giving you more time to better assess every­thing about your mate—the good and the not-so-good—so that you can walk down the aisle truly knowing who this person is.

•You are uncomfort­able sharing your deep, dark secrets

A healthy, loving marriage is made up of two people who know each other’s secrets and still love each other. If you are hiding something sig­nificant, a former marriage, a bad credit history, a sub­stance abuse problem (even if resolved)—you aren’t ready to marry that person.

If you are afraid that your partner will judge you, you need to work on where that fear is coming from. You want to be able to be authentically you, and still be loved, when saying “I do.”

•You don’t fight well

If your couple’s pattern of conflict resolution is one per­son giving in to the other just to keep the peace, you aren’t ready to get married.

Happy couples learn to communicate their grievanc­es in ways that move towards mutual satisfaction, or at least mutual understanding of the other person’s viewpoint.

If one of you consistently gives in to the other, just so tempers will not flare, this will only breed resentment in your relationship.

Before getting mar­ried, do some work, either by reading advice books or talking to a counselor, so you learn how to handle the inevitable conflicts that arise in all relationships.

If you sense that you are not willing to “fight intelli­gently”, you are not ready to get married.

To be continued…