PLAY FAIR
If they’re opening up to you, why would it be fair to hold everything back? You’re not being equal with one another. They’re doing all the work in the relationship and you’re just skating by, barely even putting forth an effort.
So if they’ve already bared their heart and soul to you, isn’t it fair you do the same? Emotional connection plays an essential role just as physical connection. If you want to know how to be emotionally available, learn to play fair with them.
TAKE RESPONSIBILITY
While you can’t fully control your emotions, you can control your actions. You need to take responsibility for your love life and realise that it’s your fault you can’t find love. That may sound harsh, but it might be what you need to tell yourself in order to get over being emotionally unavailable.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself and take accountability of your mistakes. If they feel so far away from you, that’s because you were distant from them first. Now, what are you going to do about this?
If you own up to your own actions and take responsibility for the fact that you remain closed off, it’ll be easier to let go of that part of yourself so you can find love.
BE PATIENT WITH YOURSELF
Patience is an important aspect of learning how to be emotionally available. You can’t expect to get it right overnight, but it takes consistency and patience. Relearning how to be open is not an easy thing. Your mind has been so protective of your feelings for so long that it’ll take a while to learn how to open yourself up to others again.
Especially when it’s been your defence mechanism for a while now, it will take a lot of reprogramming and self-awareness to break down your walls to find love.
FACE YOUR FEARS OF VULNERABILITY
Being vulnerable is scary, but you can’t dwell on that fear for the rest of your life. Determine what scares you about opening up to people. Are you scared of getting hurt? Do you fear being taken advantage of or people using your vulnerability against you?
These are the questions you should ask yourself. Facing vulnerability is a scary thing, but it’s necessary for your growth and relationships.
DEVELOP HEALTHY COPING MECHANISMS
There are healthy ways to deal with your fear and past trauma, and shutting yourself out from the world is not one of the ways to go. For instance, humour is one example of a healthier approach.
You can try practising mindfulness or meditation to help you stay in the present and understand your emotions. When you feel the tendency to shut off, be aware that you’re feeling that way, but resist the urge to give in.
Final part in subsequent edition