Why do you want to get married? – Part 4

Why do you want to get married? – Part 4

A couple with their children

To understand the motives behind marriage, we have already examined reasons like the influence of age (I am growing old; therefore, I have to marry), societal pressures (My family, friends and society are putting pressure on me to marry), peer influence (My friends are all marrying; I’m the only one who is not yet married), the desire for a wedding ring (I need to wear a wedding ring too), marrying someone you have been with for an extended period of time, the belief that marriage will resolve relationship issues, and the desire to host a big wedding party.

Whether you are a loyal reader or just starting, let us continue with the reasons some people get married. These include (stated in their own words)

8. I have to marry to prove some people wrong.

Maybe several people in your life keep making you feel that un ­less you marry, you will not amount to much in life, or they will not regard you in high esteem. Proba­bly, you have had a lot of naysayers attributing your being unmarried to character and behaviour flaws.

Many people keep telling you about how “the clock is ticking” and “you are not getting any younger”. Or maybe your parents and some family members got di ­vorced and you are determined to show the world that you are bet­ter than them. Or all your friends are married and you want to show them you are not just the spare tyre all the time. Whatever it is, getting married to prove something to someone—or yourself—is an aw ­ful reason to do it.

9. We have children together

First and foremost, as a Chris ­tian, you were supposed to get married before bearing children since sex outside of marriage is biblically considered as sin or sexual immorality. Nevertheless, once the mistake has already been made, it is of no use to beat your ­self down as if there is no hope of rectifying the wrongs.

In as much as I am all for saving the structure of the family unit; yet, staying together with someone you have not married simply for the children’s sake alone is not a good reason to stay or enter into an unhealthy marriage relationship. If you’re already experiencing con ­stant physical or emotional abuse in that relationship, going ahead to get married to that same partner can rather cause more harm than good to you and the children.

10. I think being married will make me happy

It is not automatic that when you marry, you will be happy. I am sure we have all seen so many peo ­ple who became worse after get ­ting married. That means to expe­rience happiness and fulfillment in marriage, there is a lot you need to do to prepare and position yourself for that happiness.

Also, do not forget that mar ­riage is not all about you! Among other things, marriage involves the coming together of two mature people (a man and a woman) who have decided to live the rest of their lives together to fulfill their God-given assignment and destiny.

Even though you may be looking out for your happiness; you should not forget that whoever you get married to will also have to be ful ­filled and happy with you. And yet, you need to be happy by yourself before you can make someone else happy.

Therefore, my professional advice to you is: “Don’t wait to get married before you become happy and fulfilled. Happiness is possible while you are still unmarried.”

To be continued …

Source: Excerpts from ‘Pre­paring for a Happy and Fulfilling Marriage’ Book by REV.COUNSEL­OR PRINCE OFFEI (Psychotherapist and Marriage Therapist).

Author, Psychotherapist, Psy­chologist, Marriage Therapist & Reverend Minister

Counselor Prince & Associates Consult (CPAC)

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