Nobody is promising there won’t be ups and downs in a relationship. While you’re worrying about feeling less attractive, your partner is also dealing with worry, anxiety, and maybe even guilt, wondering: “Could I have been responsible? Could I in some way have contributed to the cancer? Will I become radioactive if I touch her, if I touch her breast? Is her cancer contagious?” And (perhaps feeling guilty), “When will I be able to worry about myself for a change?”

It may be hard for you to figure out your needs and concerns, let alone tell your partner. You don’t want to make light of what your partner has already done for you, so phrase your requests as carefully and positively as possible: “You’ve been working so hard, doing so much — and it’s made a huge difference. But what I really need right now is to be close to you and tell you what’s making me nervous and anxious. I need you to listen, and maybe just hold me.”

Communication

Communication — talking to each other, listening to each other — is the basis of any intimate relationship. But most people have no a clue about how to talk about something as big as cancer. So here are some tips to get you started:

Find some time

 Most couples have limited time together anyway. A breast cancer diagnosis just adds more distractions. Even when you want to discuss it, there will be so many interruptions to the extent that the conversation may lead nowhere. Schedule some time in a quiet place where you know you won’t be interrupted.

Start somewhere

Begin by talking about something comfortable and manageable — your vacation plans, even the weather. Once you’re talking, then you can work the conversation around to your fears, concerns, how the illness has changed you, and the importance of your relationship.

Talk

Even if your partner isn’t a good communicator, that doesn’t mean he or she isn’t listening. You may need to do most of the talking yourself but, believe it or not, what you’re saying WILL be heard and it WILL sink in. Stop along the way to get feedback. Eye contact and touch can give your words greater meaning and emphasis.

Reassure your partner

Your partner may feel that you’ve got enough to deal with without listening to someone else’s fears and concerns. Make it clear that you WANT to hear how he or she is feeling, that you’re both in this together.

Support each other

It would be nice to have a partner who understands and helps you feel better as you work to get back your old confidence, but that may just be unrealistic. He or she is probably suffering, too, and may be less able to express that suffering than you are. So each of you have all this emotion buried somewhere inside.

Breast cancer has become so common that most men have someone close in their life who has suffered the disease. There’s no way to predict how any man will respond, but there is no doubt that many men are supportive and prepared to continue the relationship.

Women may find it easier to talk to one another. It is also true, however, that a woman may feel especially vulnerable and personally threatened if her partner has breast cancer, knowing this disease is one that can affect her as well.

Source: www.breastcancer.org.