Why do you want to get married? – Part 3

Why do you want to get married? – Part 3

We continue our exploration into the motivations behind the decision to say ‘I do’. In Parts 1 and 2 we have already discussed the influence of age (I’m growing old; therefore, I have to marry), societal pressures (My family, friends and society are putting pressure on me to marry), peer influence (My friends are all marrying; I am the only one who is not yet married), and the desire for a wedding ring (I need to wear a wedding ring too).

In Part 3, we delve into the dynamics of marrying someone you have been with for an extended period of time, the belief that marriage will resolve relationship issues, and the desire to host a big wedding party.

Whether you are joining us for the first time or have been follow ­ing along, let us continue exam ­ining the reasons some people get married. These include (stated in their own words):

5. We have been together for too long; I have to marry him (or her)

“We have been together for too long; I have to marry him (or her)” is one of the common reasons peo ­ple get married to their partners.

This will be a step in the right direction if only you have taken the time to establish whether or not your decision of getting married to that person is the best option for you and your future.

This is important because we have seen so many unhealthy and abusive relationships which have lasted for several years without the couples going their separate ways.

Imagine going ahead to marry the abuser simply because of the years of being together.

6. If I marry my partner, the problems in our relationship will stop

Know that marriage by itself will not make these problems you are experiencing in your relation­ship disappear.

In fact, these problems almost always get worse after marriage. If there are crucial issues which need to be addressed and resolved, do not sweep them under the carpet in the hopes that they will disappear after you get married.

That scarcely happens if it does at all. Getting married is not the antidote to problems in your rela­tionship.

You need to talk about all im ­portant issues openly before mar ­riage. Neither the marriage cere­mony nor the marriage itself will eliminate the issues or the effects of your disagreements.

If these issues seem too difficult or threatening to handle alone, then consider booking an appointment with a professional relationship and marriage counsellor, or pastor in certain cases.

Counsellor Prince & Associates Consult (CPAC) is also available to assist couples who are facing such issues in their relationships.

7. I want to host a big wedding reception and party as well

Although it is not evil or wrong to have a nice wedding reception and party; yet, you must under ­stand that marriage is far weightier than just a party or reception.

Parties are okay and even some ­times fun, but marriage is definite ­ly not just about a day’s event. Marriage is a completely different matter.

It has to do with the rest of your life; every day, all the time, even when you don’t feel like it. Marriage is a serious business. And hopefully it is sometimes fun too, but, truly, weddings have less to do with the marriage itself.

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