Why do you want to get married?
A young girl feeling lonely
Before you say ‘I do’, my question to you is: Why do you want to get married?
Let us look at some of the conscious or unconscious reasons some people get married. These include (stated in their own words):
1. I am growing old; therefore, I have to marry.
2. My family, friends and society are putting pressure on me to marry.
3. My friends are all marrying; I’m the only one who is not yet married.
4. I need to wear a wedding ring too.
5. Nobody respects me because I am not yet married.
6. We have been together for too long; I have to marry him (or her).
7. If I marry my partner, the problems in our relationship will stop.
8. I want to host a big wedding reception and party as well.
9. I have to marry to prove some people wrong.
10. I feel lonely and alone.
11. I am pregnant (or my girlfriend is pregnant).
12. We have children together.
13. I have to marry for financial and economic reasons.
14. I’m seriously attracted to his (or her) physical looks and stature.
15. I just love him (or her).
Do you align yourself with any of these reasons I have mentioned?
Although these reasons sound good and harmless; yet, these are some of the unfortunate reasons many people get married. No wonder the divorce rate keeps skyrocketing with each passing month and year.
On regular basis—in my practice—I meet couples or individuals who are struggling in their love relationships. Many times, a lot of them are either courting, married or thinking about getting married. There’re times when I wish I could just be direct or scream as loud as I could in these words, “Do not do it!” to some of them who’re about to get married. This is because when you get married for the wrong reasons, the consequences are too unbearable and frustrating.
1. I am growing old; therefore, I have to marry
This is one of the common reasons some singles crave for marriage. Many women, particularly those of a certain age bracket, have believed the narrative that no one will marry them because of their age.
They are afraid of staying single for life, and perhaps you are also worried about never getting married as you get older. As a woman, you might feel scared, and if a man who doesn’t possess the right marriage qualities shows interest in you, you might feel the urge to hold on to him.
This desperate feeling of losing one’s last chance at love can force you to settle for anyone who comes your way, just to avoid loneliness.
2. My family, friends and society are putting pressure on me to marry
Even though it is a fact that some family members and friends put pressure on their single loved ones to get married; yet, marrying solely on the basis of pressure you are receiving from those you love can be dangerous and risky.
Unfortunately, after one crosses a certain age such as 28, society makes singlehood look rather unappealing and unpleasant, as though it’s an abomination not to marry.
To such an extent that for many singles, communal life starts to wither; you may start to feel like a freak when going to certain social events alone (e.g. wedding, marriage anniversaries, parties, etc.).
Never allow pressure from your family, friends and society to push you into marrying someone that you’ll later regret for marrying.
To be continued …
Source: Excerpts from ‘Preparing for a Happy and Fulfilling Marriage’ Book by Rev. Counselor Prince Offei (Psychotherapist and Marriage Therapist).
Author, Psychotherapist, Psychologist, Marriage Therapist & Reverend Minister
Counselor Prince & Associates Consult (CPAC)
www.thespectatoronline.com
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